Konichiwa . Are you looking for the most kick-(kindly deleted) roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You found him. I'm a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at (kindly deleted) companies in New York City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky (kindly deleted), I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post stuff like this. Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in Twentynine Palms, and I have no clue where to live. Honestly, I'm moving there in 3 weeks, so I don't give a (kindly deleted) if I have to sleep in your bathtub. A bit about me: I'm respectful, quiet, clean, and I turn off lights. I clean toilets. (kindly deleted). I'll even cook for you. That's right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that in béarnaise. EVERY DANG NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's (kindly deleted) FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your socks off. I also read a lot. I LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that stuff. I read Tuesday's with Morrie the other day. It's a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself.(kindly deleted) smart. Do you like movies? I (kindly deleted) love them. We can watch the (kindly deleted) out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU! Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE (kindly deleted) YOU WANT? Of course you are! I'll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James (kindly deleted) Taylor. AWWWWWW YEA! A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you're from Alabama. Are you racist?" And, the answer to that question is, no. I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I (kindly deleted) LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. W T F?!!!? Pretty (kindly deleted) cool right? I own almost nothing! I'm driving my car from Alabama to California in which I'll be transporting two duffel bags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a crapload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you'd like me to pick up some on my way into the town. See?! I'm the most considerate person you've ever met. I'm offering to buy you (kindly deleted) already! Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic butt I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I'm taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I'll hook yo (kindly deleted) up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I'd like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your (kindly deleted) mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I'm ready to give you money. 

No. I already have him. :)

And it's "roommate". Two "Ms". :) 

Wow that was so (kindly deleted) exhausting to read! LOL 

You know me - I gotta have paragraphs lol. 

You seem like a cool, very funny dude! But seriously, editing out all those inventive cuss words was a pain in my (kindly deleted) butt. Good luck in your roommate endeavors. 

I landed this job with a marketing firm in Twentynine Palms

Wait - there's a marketing firm in 29 Palms lol? 

Studio for rent....idk that you are roommate material, you may be to annoying 

awww...I think he sounds kind of awkwardly sweet and funny.

....and mildly desperate. 

a list of the top 10 women I'd like to bang before I die.

.I think he sounds kind of awkwardly sweet and funny.


hmmm...not sweet or funny in my book. Seriously dude - did your mother or someone in your life not teach you ANY respect for females??? RME 

but if you insist on having roommates here ya go 

but if you insist on having roommates here ya go


Yes...another one who spells it just like you do lol. 

hmmm...not sweet or funny in my book. Seriously dude - did your mother or someone in your life not teach you ANY respect for females??? RME

Hey - I said kind of. :) 

Being an overly big people pleaser is very annoying IMO. And the constant swearing is also annoying but I posted a roommate add too. 

we are a young, active couple looking for someone/s who will mesh with our lifestyle.

mmmm hmmmm 

And the constant swearing is also annoying

I do agree on that one. That was a lot of '(kindly deleted)' I had to put in there. 

That was a lot of '(kindly deleted)' I had to put in there.

Oh. Well that answered that question lol. 

Wtf 

lol 

lmfao!

Gotta be a joke :) 

Personally that would be WAY too much info for me to know about a roommate lol. All you need to know is - can you pay your rent on time! 

Bwahaha 

I certainly wouldn't be mentioning Auburn lol. 

Marketing Firm in 29 Palms; and your moving out here to be part of it...So much for your wasted years in college. Marketing in 29 Palms would be akin to fishing for great whites in Utah...... 

This is an ad from "the best of craigslist" someone just copied it. Not a real post here. If I remember right they were wanting a place in San Fran, or Sacramento. Can't remember exactly 

This is an ad from "the best of craigslist"

That explains it!!!!